Still soaking up my recent trip to India. I have been meaning to write this post for some time but I wasn’t ready.
On the previous days before leaving on my trip my mind was already connected to India…..Practice was full of doubts and fear as my right shoulder had been giving me trouble for almost a year. Oh geez, I wonder what Sharath will tell me this time…Lots of expectation building up in my mind about the trip because unlike my first trip; in which I traveled to the unknown, this second time I knew what lay ahead. As usual our petty little heads trying to figure out everything. All plans made; all arrangements made and the day of my departure arrived. Then 45 minutes before boarding the plane the flight was cancelled. Holly crap, no new plane was available so the airline pushed the flight an entire day! I was panicking, all my connections and travel plans had to be changed, hotel reservations, my apartment, taxis, transfers….travelling to the other side of the world for two months requires a bit of logistics….Had to stay until midnight at the airport that day fighting with the airline so they could change my flight from London to India because I wasn’t going to pay for that change. Couldn’t sleep well that night. No food at home as I was leaving for 2 months, my fridge was empty. I was mentally tired and frustrated; of all of my years travelling I had never been delayed this way. Next day arrived and I left. This incident became an omen of the fate of the rest of my trip. Usually our minds via the ego set up boundaries, expectations, limits. That’s the nature of the ego, always looking for answers, figuring out things. We really don’t allow ourselves any space for spontaneity or failure. I finally arrived to Mysore and when I got there my apartment had been occupied by another girl that arrived earlier and was so jet lagged that she was sleeping and couldn’t be disturbed so I was given her apartment on the meantime. I was backed up 2 days on my schedule and late for registration at the Shala that I didn’t care and went out straight up to register. I wanted to shower so bad; weather was very hot this time of the year and I knew I was going to see Sharath soon but I couldn’t waste any more time. Entered the Shala, my heart racing. So excited to see him again. I can’t explain with words what it feels to be close to your teacher. He is the Boss; but he is also a human just like you and me. It’s a lot of feelings happening a the same time: respect, happiness, fear, joy, amusement, thankfulness, excitement……And the practice started rolling the next day. Oh my God. I wasn’t sure how that will go. I have been practicing at home alone for over two years now. Is hard. It breaks you. Because I basically don’t know where I stand with my progress or if there is any progress at all. That’s determined by Sharath. He is on the other side of the world, I can’t reach to him on a daily basis but I can feel him with me everyday in my practice. Again my mind determined what my body was going to be able to do in the practice and guess what? Well it just didn’t happened. But something else; wonderful happened. Of course my beloved teacher guided me. He knows exactly where each of us stands. He knew I could do it even though I didn’t believe I could. And here’s the breaking point of the Guru. He can see beyond of our limitations. Yoga expands that vision. It’s like a laser like vision. He lead me to this place where I had never been before making me understand why I am stuck where I am. In Ashtanga yoga there’s a sequence to follow. Each pose builds up the strength and structure required for the next. Backbending can be brutal and beautiful at the same time. It drains you, rips you apart, it tames you.
Someone was supposed to meet me in India. I was very excited about that. Months talking about this encounter. I was expecting this encounter to make me really happy. But it just didn’t happened. And then I realized it was the best thing that could’ve happened. That person not showing up. I wasn’t ready for it. Just like my body wasn’t ready yet for certain poses. I need to build up. I know that with the backbending and the practice comes silence. And I needed the space and the time for that silence. That person would’ve disturbed my silence and also I know that person was probably not going to be able to handle me like this. Ironically on my first week in Mysore; unexpectedly I met someone. And without realizing it that person was exactly what I needed during my process. I wasn’t looking for it. These things find you. Inevitably. That person showed me so much kindness and gave me so much love. I certainly was not expecting something like this happening but it did and just like the pose I thought I couldn’t do, my heart opened in ways that I didn’t think I was able to do. This person has given me back hope. And life is a series of situations that prepare you for the future. Just like the Primary series in Ashtanga gives you the foundation for more complex poses.
India is chaotically beautiful. The energetical vibration there rips you apart and then puts you back together. After India you will never be the same again. Is overwhelming; crazy, total madness but somehow you feel so much peace. All of us that end up there; are fulfilling a karmic purpose. And my whole trip was a confirmation of that because India gives you what you need and not what you really want.