Resurrection!!!

 

When I was growing up Easter Sunday used to be of one the coolest days of the year; not only because I used to get a giant chocolate egg, but also because it was a happy day. The two prior days, Good Friday and Saturday were very quiet and somber. My sister and I were not allowed to play any music, go into the ocean or swimming pool; eat too much or do anything crazy. But Sunday; it was different, it was a celebration filled with joy. Images of Jesus wearing a white robe linger in my head and loud music at church. Happy memories…………..

Fast forward to the present and the concept of resurrection has acquired a different meaning for me. Recently when I was up in the Himalayas in India doing my Buddhist meditation retreat I realized that last year something in me died. My heart was hurting after letting go of someone. And it was ok, because it meant that my feelings were genuine. We don’t like endings. Actually the craving of the mind loves pleasure and hates when things come to an end. But sometimes we have to put things that were once good to an end after they turn toxic to our wellbeing. Not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay. And refusing to let go only creates more pain. The transformation process comes when you accept that is ok to give up. And being me that was like impossible. Me? Give up? Never, I can do it all, I am superwoman! But guess what? I am not as strong as I think  I am. All my life I  have been tough, not complain and always pretending that everything was fine even when things were falling apart. So this time up there in the Himalayas I gave up. I cried and cried. I admitted to myself that this was not a failure as I thought it was, but just another step to become a better human. It took me a lot of courage to admit that this hurt me so much. And yes, I gave the best version of me to him and it is ok that he didn’t like it. We can’t force feelings. They have to flow freely. And so up there in the middle of the silence I thanked him for breaking my heart the way he did. Because that triggered a lot of good things and it made me grow. And I genuinely wish happiness upon him. I hope he can break free from that which troubles him; from his pain and suffering. So what died in me stayed up there in the Himalayas, buried by the silence and the snow. And suddenly something new was born, resurrected! A softer version, more vulnerable version of me. I feel lighter and brighter. I have surrendered to the wisdom of insecurity. The power of admitting we are a tiny particle in the Universe and everything is out of control is liberating. Realize that bigger things are happening and a heart break is nothing compared to the infinite power of Love.

We become slaves of our own expectations. We all have the power to break free! Today is a good day to know that death is only the beginning of something new! Let all of those things that are dragging you down die! And something beautiful will be born: Freedom!

 

16. April 2017 by Lina
Categories: Life | Leave a comment

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