“Oh mirror In the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life? ”
I love this song by Fleetwood Mac; probably one of my all time favorites. There is also a version by The Smashing Pumpkins, which is pretty cool, too! The lyrics of this song make so much sense right now…
Lately the sky has been painted with fire. Delivering messages. I wrote on a previous post, how; since I was a child I read messages in the sky. Sunsets and Sunrises carried answers to my questions. Through my life there have been times were I have lost connection; but lately the messages have been very strong. And lately my life has been dealing with lots of unresolved issues that go back to my childhood years and are now manifesting. My practice also is going through a transitional period since I decided a couple of months ago to start training to run half marathon. At first I was really excited and motivated because it had been years since I didn’t train this way. I was a runner for almost 15 years and loved it. Running gave me a high that I can not compare to anything else. But when I started practicing Ashtanga Yoga I stopped completely. Now; there’s a lot of controversy in the Ashtanga community surrounding the practice of sports, weight lifting or any other physical activity besides doing your practice. My teacher Sharath clearly states that our bodies do not need any other physical activity; the practice will suffice and since this is a daily practice your body is pretty active every day. Following his advice I completely stopped running and going to the gym. My body then experienced a transformation. Like my body shape changed. I am not skinny. I have a latina body and finally came to accept that after many, many years of body image struggle. Before Ashtanga my body was very muscly, curvy. I think because of the weight lifting and running. But now is “softer”. More elongated. Yoga does that. Your muscles are strong but not big and I am happy with that.
So, going back to the running. I needed to fit my running schedule with my practice. Keep on mind, Ashtanga is a daily practice. Six days a week; we only rest on Moon days and for us girls when we get our period. So I started and the first month was cool. I did 3 days running and 4 days of practice. No rest day. Second month my long runs became longer until reaching 17 km. That’s where the pain started. On my hamstrings, like horrible deep pain. A lot of struggle on my practice. Very weird because my usual knee pain went away and got replaced by the sharp pain on my hamstrings; actually I have only experienced this pain when I was cheerleader during my teen years. I got my right one torn during a sequence in which I did some flips and landed on a split. I remember the sharp pain. It was horrible. Anyways that was like 25 years ago and now suddenly I am experiencing it again. Coincidentally I am handling a very delicate family situation right now. I certainly was not prepared for it. It’s one of those things you just do. You don’t think about it. So in the midst of all of this; which feels so overwhelming; I started to read the messages in the sky. And they tell me I am doing the right thing, that I am supported by this higher, divine, cosmic force so I shouldn’t be scared. Because I am so scared. But I guess it is ok to be scared, because it means you are doing something brave. And then, my dear friend Catherine who lives in the UK asked me for some palo santo. So I mailed her some and the day she received it she saw a message that said: “Bailey’s Comet 555”. Catherine is a healer and she said, I got this message for you. At first I was confused but then I got my answer and 555 is a super powerful number related to Angels. I pray to my angels everyday; there have been with me for so many years. So I then understood that this all happening so I get a deeper knowledge. And my practice has become deeper too. When I chant in Sanskrit I feel this deep knowledge within me. Even though I am in so much pain, I do my practice, very slow. So what this is telling me is that I should slow down in everything.
In yoga there are so many inversions: headstands and handstands. You put yourself upside down. At first is scary but then is fun. Seeing things from a different perspective. Dare yourself to see things from a total different place. Like this family situation isn’t happening to me. It is been changed by me; for good. And so; I stopped training for the half marathon. Yes, I gave up on that idea because I don’t want to get hurt. I am quite sure this hamstring pain has also an emotional connotation. It is all related. And lastly but not least important I have a couple of earthly friends who have taken such good care of me during this troubled times. I am so fortunate to have unconditional friends like them; like seriously! Good friends are hard to find, I feel so much gratitude to know they love me the way they do. No strings attached. Real homies. You know who you are. Both of their names start with the same letter actually! Lol! Letter A for Angels. And that’s what they are! Actually in Buddhism angels are portrayed as Bodhisattvas; enlightened beings; whose lives are driven by compassion. And we all have the potential to become them, yes! So, just like they say, if you’re walking though fire just keep going and that’s what I am feeling now, is like I am walking in the fire but I am becoming the fire; like Nataraja, Lord Shiva’s form as the Cosmic Dancer, burning all that no longer serves, to create space for new, good things to come. Om!