I have been trying to piece together this entry for months now. Every time I said; Ok I am sitting my ass down because I am inspired; something distracted me and then I got off track and never even started it. But to my credit, I have also been busy; very actually! At the beginning of this year I made a major decision. I will not travel this year. I have been travelling non stop for the past 8 years. It has been one hell of a ride: from riding rickshaws in India, to riding boats in Sweden….but finally I felt that I needed a break and focus on my reality here where I live. My everyday life, heal unresolved issues and work on new projects.
I realized though; in the process of writing this entry, the ridiculous amount of time I spend in my mind daily. We all do. Only when you kind of take a break and observe the innumerable scenarios you create or replay in your head everyday is when you really say, Geez! I need to do something about this. Because really; ultimately is just energy & time that we waste on stuff that hasn’t even happened or happened a long time ago. We get so distracted replaying situations of the past: the one time your lover surprised you; the one time you got rejected and were left in tears…….Places, people, feelings, is all in there, in the mind. But they aren’t real. They are memories. Then fast forward and you will be constructing situations that might happen, creating expectations or jumping into conclusions. But that is not real either. The future is not real, is just a projection of your mind. The only absolute reality is the now. That is why programs that use the One day a time slogan work so successfully because they kind of ground you. That is why Meditation and Yoga are so good because they create awareness. Awareness is when you establish a clear communication between your conscious mind and your feeling body and that can only happen as reality unfolds in the now. Battling my demons and fighting my fears is part of that process but also feeling bliss and joy is part of the process too. It is all a manifestation of Love and not romantic love; which unfortunately western societies have prostitute in many ways making people feel miserable or incomplete because they don’t have a relationship or because they fail to have one. To that I say, there is so much more to life than finding someone who will want you or being sad over someone who doesn’t. Love is a connection to the Divine and it can be manifested through the creative process; for me is designing my kimonos, swimming in the ocean, looking at the stars, doing my practice, laughing with my friends, bowing to the Moon, that is all Love. Of course the connectivity to other humans is what moves us but I feel that the ways we connect are not healthy, they are very toxic. So, whatever you feel or think people think about you, is not real. You can not control that. That is their reality and when you create boundaries; relationships that no longer serve you fade and leave space for new ones. We must learn to breathe more and think less. Pain and happiness are real; but they are temporary. Realizing that makes things so much easier.
What is Real, then?
The ever changing reality that is constantly falling apart and coming back together. The ebb and flow of life. Good times, bad times
The infinite possibilities of change and growth
The smile from a stranger
Falling down trying to nail a very complicated pose during your practice and…laughing about it
A hug from someone you haven’t seen in a long time
Your dog licking your legs
A beautiful sunset
The unconditional support from true friends
The daily struggle
A delicious cup of tea
Love and beauty are found in the smallest of details and things. When you learn to be present in the now is like a veil lifts and you get to see so much more. And you no longer see the path, you become the Path………….Om!