Very happy to announce I have team up with 8 time national surfing champion Alvaro Solano to bring you a super relaxing 2 hour experience in which we will teach the basics of Stand Up Paddle Board and also enjoy a 45 minute yoga class in the middle of the beautiful waters of the Pacific Ocean while we enjoy the sunset; just an hour away from San José.
Stand Up Paddle Boarding is super relaxing and also a great exercise; while yoga will improve your flexibility, balance & core. Break away from routine and join us! If lucky you will also get the chance to spot whales, stingrays and turtles!
Saturdays & Sundays at 4.00 pm. Leaving from Vista Guapa Surf Camp in Jacó Beach at 3.30 pm and head towards Herradura Beach. Weekdays available by appointment.
Price: $60 per person, includes: Paddle Board session, Yoga class & beverages
For Reservations and more info please contact us at:
email@example.com (506) 8380-7742
is not the fixing of the broken,
but the rediscovery
of the Unbroken”
– Jeff Foster
The Universe keeps sending these packages delivered to my door. I get very excited when I get a new one; because I didn’t place an order and apparently I am getting these as gifts.
But it seems like there’s something wrong with these packages. The packaging is beautiful and they are very appealing. They come in different shapes and sizes. On the outside they shine and are very luring. But when I start playing with them and using them I realize they are broken. Like they were discarded from the line of production and sent to me. Maybe they think I can fix them?
Five years into my single life and I have no complaints, I live a very independent life, travels tons and devote myself to my yoga practice. I have become a creature with strange habits. In these five years I have obviously met lots of guys. But there’s few that have passed the flirting stage. And even passing that line doesn’t mean anything. Each guy is a universe of its own. The most important ones have taught me valuable lessons about myself; not them. One was able to stay through out this time; first as a lover that I met on a one night stand then gradually as a dude that became my friend. He brought life back to me in moments of despair. He was the first guy I was with after 7 years of commitment with my ex. His demons got along with mine and the chemistry between us was amazing but I certainly didn’t see myself having a relationship with him. Well, I mean, we had a relationship but I hate to label things. Each person brings up a part of you that no other person will. And so meeting him in the middle of the jungle almost five years ago had me going to Sweden this past spring. A twist of fate that brought up a lot of teachings. And the time to let him go came and I did….And moved on.
I always say a lot of good things started happening after my break up. It was like a curse was lifted; indeed it was and the energy started flowing differently because that’s when I discovered Ashtanga yoga and it all changed for me. I am also a broken toy. I am certainly not perfect. My daily yoga practice heals me through pain. There’s so much work to be done. So much forgiveness and the rage keeps firing me up once in a while. It is now less than before but I think it will never go away.
My yoga practice has given me the power of discrimination and awareness. Before; I would’ve been like a little boat lost at sea. Now; I am still that little boat but I have now learned how to sail. I know there’s has to be a reason why these broken dudes keep popping in my life. My girlfriend always jokes and says: “Seriously?, why these guys with all these issues are so attracted to you, you don’t even look for them, they find you!”.
There’s always a choice to walk away. I try everyday to accept the broken parts of me. There’s nothing to fix; everyone is perfect as they are. Who says playing with broken toys isn’t fun?????
“Voy a quedarme aquí todo el tiempo que haga falta. Estoy esperando la casualidad de mi vida, la más grande, y eso que las he tenido de muchas clases. Sí. Podría unir mi vida uniendo casualidades.”
– Ana, Los Amantes del Círculo Polar
The opening quote for this post is from one of my all time favorite movies, called Los Amantes del Círculo Polar. Is a Spanish movie that could translate into “The Lovers of the Polar Circle” and tells the story of Otto and Ana; from their chance meeting outside school at the age of 8, until they meet again in their 20’s in Lapland within the Arctic Circle, under the midnight sun. The themes include love, death, destiny, nature, the circle of life and the coincidences in life. It is one of those movies that has been sort of a landmark in my life. When I saw it more than 13 years ago I promised to myself: “Someday I will go to the Polar Circle and see the midnight sun”. Recently, about two months ago, I made it to Scandinavia. Yes! I made it to Sweden. The story behind that trip includes a lot of synchronicity just like in the movie. A separate post called The Magical North is coming about that.
Right now I feel like Ana, the main character of the movie. When she says the above quote she is sitting out in a open field at midnight watching the midnight sun and she says: “I’ll stay here as long as it takes. I’m waiting for the biggest coincidence of my life , the greatest, and I have had many sorts of them. Yes . I could join my life joining coincidences”
I am feeling very overwhelmed right now. Like there’s so much happening around me that I can not keep up with the pace. I don’t easily get broken down. I don’t cry easily, either. But now is like I am lost and really do not know what direction to take. This time of the year always seems to carry a lot. Last year around this same time I had my accident and recently I have had a lot thrown in my plate not only at work; which has been crazy but also in my personal life. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care this much. But I do. And so what’s left in the middle of this turmoil? My yoga practice. Last week on the day of the new moon I had a beautiful dream: I was kissing Sharath’s feet and he had that beautiful smile on him. It had been a rough week but that dream lifted me up and gave me hope. That same hope makes me wake up everyday at 3.30 am so I can start my yoga practice at dawn. Sometimes when I am twisting and flowing during the early hours of the day and the sweat is dripping I feel connected to something sacred. In the inhalation and exhalation of the breath lies the mystery of life. We are tiny particles in the thread of the Universe…..
Recently I have been questioning myself if a lot of the things I do make sense; especially work. I had never question it until last year when I came back from India. And lately it has become an everyday thing. I just can’t ignore it. At the same time I feel there’s a bigger purpose revealing and building up. I feel the power of the Universe trying to tell me something. I have always been a hard worker. I started working when I was 17 years old and I haven’t stopped since. The sense of independence that my jobs have given me is huge. I have been in this last job for 15 years. That’s a long time and I feel burnt out. I need to find a way out.
Even though I grew up in the Tropics every rainy season brings a sense of nostalgia, day after day for 6 months there’s rain. It is suffocating, humid and everything turns so green and then our summer time comes and it is so warm; the balance of the sun, the dry nice weather. And then you know the rainy season will come again and so on, cycles of joy and sadness and a perfect balance. So now despite the craziness going on there are also good things happening around me: my yogi friend Gaby just had her “made in India” baby Isla, I was given the opportunity to teach what I love, there’s a friendship that I thought about giving up but for some reason (synchronicity again) still there and is teaching me a lot of things about myself in the form of unconditional love and patience and above all I have so much to be grateful for…….
I hope to find the strength and a reason to navigate these rough waters; I’m holding on to the stillness of the practice so I don’t drown and hopefully I will make it safely to shore where I can wait for the big coincidence of my life..
Five years ago I was so lost. So, so lost…….
Seriously, few times in my life I have felt that lost. Probably the other time goes back when I was in my teens and had lost so much weight that at the age of 15 I was weighting 42 kg and was left with a tiny frame of 5’1….the process of overcoming anorexia and bulimia back then wasn’t easy. Costa Rica had few doctors that could treat me. A developed country disease on a third world country girl. I was so lost. I remember nights in my room, feeling so scared. I wasn’t aware then that I could actually die of it. But my angels have never abandoned me and I grew out of it. Took years. To the day there are memories of that time that still linger in my head. There aren’t any photos of me while I was sick. I think they were all destroyed or purposely lost. My affair with the disease started when I was probably around 7-8. I clearly remember excusing myself to go and eat at the TV room so I could throw the food on a garbage can that was hidden over a bar area that was set up in my house. Or not eating candy at piñata parties where all of the other kids had stomach ache because the candy was so good……
While recovering, I found my way back through a hidden talent: I started painting. And what triggered it all was a visit to a gallery that had a Salvador Dalí exhibition with his paintings and some of his sculptures. I was 16 years old. And what I saw that day changed me forever. I became obsessed with him and his art. He gave me; back then, a sense of security, a familiarity, I didn’t feel alone anymore. To the day he still my favorite painter and on my numerous trips I have visited some of his exhibitions. I love him. He guided me through the crazy labyrinth I was enmeshed and helped me find the exit.
Then five years ago my whole world crumbled one day to the other and again I was completely lost. You can read more about it in this previous post:
Those who know me can confirm that I am good at organizing stuff, getting things done. I love to multitask and plan ahead. That’s me. And so, feeling lost is certainly not something that I am used to. Not knowing what to do is my biggest fear. Despair followed the uncertainty. So, what did really this time made me find my way back again???
I will not get tired of saying it: Yoga saved my life! The Ashtanga yoga method brought Life back to me. It gave me a map, the directions and the strength to get out of where I was. It still does. It’s the best thing that has happened in my life; not graduating from college, not travelling around the world nor running marathons. Nothing compares to the transformation I have experienced, especially after visiting India and practicing with my Guru. My life will never ever be the same after that. Right after coming back from India I finally decided to get a tattoo. So many years waiting for this moment. Ideas started flowing in my head. For almost a year I kept thinking about the tattoo. Then one day while I was waiting for my chai tea to come I received a Divine revelation . Lakshmi appeared to me and the Goddess asked me to carry her on my arm. That’s how it was. And suddenly out of nowhere a Indian lady wearing a sari and her kid walked passed by where I was. Mind you, Costa Rica doesn’t have a big Indian population…….there are roughly 300 Indians living here. Seeing her was a confirmation of what needed to be done. Thanks to good karma I was lead to the best tattoo artist here in Costa Rica (IG @alexnuneztattoo) who had already tattooed one of my yoga sisters. And so the process began, my whole arm will be a tribute to the Divine Feminine; the Divine Mother, The Mother of the Universe, a tribute to India………So far she is sitting comfortably on my arm, surrounded by an aura and a mandala that resembles the rangoli used in the South of India. The rest of my arm will be a garden for her. I will never be alone anymore, she is now with me. And I know that if I ever get lost again she will give me the strength to find my way back………
We must get lost to find out who we really are. In despair you realize your true nature. The journey of finding the way back is what truly makes the trip worth while…………
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no
There’s no greater power than the power of goodbye…………….
That last hug will always be carved in my memory like a scar. The look in the glassy eyes. The unspoken words. My heart shattered in a thousand pieces started spilling out like poison in my body and the months following this good bye intoxicated me. All my flexibility gone…..At the time I didn’t have a clue of why my body was reacting this way because I was immerse in pain and trying to survive my break up. I have always been naturally flexible, I think because of years of ballet at an early age and also because I used to be cheerleader when I was in high school. But now, my body was very stiff and I only started noticing back then when I used to practice vinaysa flow yoga and some postures were becoming harder and harder…….
Obviously all those horrible emotions trapped in different parts of my body were to blame. Then destiny brought me to the practice of Ashtanga Yoga and that’s when really the fun or the pain? began. I had to de-construct my body and that’s basically what the Primary series of Ashtanga yoga does. It fixes your body. It’s a really painful process. It hurts everyday. And it still does. We are changing creatures. The fluctuations of our mind are constantly playing tricks on us. But as you advance in the series, there will still be pain but then moments of bliss start to spark now and then and that’s what heals you. Specially in the back bends. The star of the back bends in the primary series is Urdhva Danurasana.
The vulnerability you experience in this posture is really intimidating. You must breathe properly or you will break down or panic. There are days in which I am terrify of this posture. This week particularly was one of those. And then as I said before, your mind starts rolling and flashes of my Dad’s death started popping……the last days before his death……that last good bye that I couldn’t say……..that last hug that my ex gave me after seven years of been together….all of these things mixed up and then I went up on my Urdhva but this time that pain gave me strength and I held each of those 3 Urdhvas for 10 breaths each; strong, steady and calm…..Light pouring out of my heart because those feelings finally came out…after all these years they had to leave as they were making me so heavy. And as I went down I started crying so much…….And this time I didn’t held the tears. They had to come all out. I finished my series at dawn. A new day. A new feeling. Bliss. Liberation. Holding on to people, emotions, things only creates pain. Attachment of our ego to these only brings temporary pleasure. Lord Krisna in the Bhagadvad Gita teaches that we should try to rise above pleasure and pain. And the only way to this is through discrimination, selfless action and practice. The path of Yoga is not an easy one; the core of it lies in the vulnerability we face every day in our mat, a punch to our ego. But in this process we gain so much awareness and compassion and that’s what truly ultimately changes us and makes us better people.
Learn to say to good bye, learn to let go….All is temporary……..Love is Eternal.
I can’t believe it has been a year since I started this blog. Wow, what a year it has been. Bitter sweet is the best definition. I have gone through a roller coaster ride of emotions and certainly the positive highlight of it was my trip to Mother India. And then I got slapped a couple of times in my face; really hard and got reminded that life isn’t perfect and that we can fuck up big time. And truly all that ultimately matters is Love. Watching a couple of my dreams go down the drain has not been easy.
Love hurts; yes it sounds like a cliché but it is true. Even if you are not looking for it, you will be pulled to it; inevitably. Because Love also heals. And we all get caught up in the dynamics of this irony.
Fleetwood Mac is one of my all time favorite bands and their song Sara says: “In the sea of love where everyone would love to drown”……some people jump on that sea without a life vest, others know how to swim, others won’t make it and drown and others will learn how to float……I’ve stayed on my boat for a quite a while now, watching everyone jump to that sea……I am scared to jump and dive in……….
Our true divine nature is Love. It is imprinted like a code on us. And I feel that my urge to stray away from love has created quite the opposite effect. This year has been a lesson on compassion, and being an Aries hasn’t made the task any easier; as we have no patience or tolerance, so just imagine…….Oh my God! I’m so glad I practice yoga, otherwise I would be locked up in a mental institution, ha!
So, there’s a separate post coming about my fling with a younger guy. Like, I certainly wasn’t expecting anything like that and it taught me a whole deal about me. Stuff that I didn’t think I was capable of. And I am really glad is over. I knew beforehand that this sort of relationship doesn’t last, what I didn’t know is that in the process something changed in me and I received a big revelation that put me back in the path that leads to my dharma. I knew bigger things were happening while I was going through the fling. Is that sort of cosmic feeling. Meeting him was not a coincidence; it was meant to happen; a kick from the Universe in my butt…… And the purpose has been fulfilled and now is time to move on.
And then the grand finale of my year……having to deal with my mum on a personal basis after years of a “diplomatic” rapport with her. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mum but I never had and intimate relationship with her. Like she was never my best friend. And growing up I had a lot of mix feelings about her. So now unexpectedly due to a pressing situation I had to bring her to live with me for some time. I am super independent and have been living by myself for years now. This truly has been a huge lesson of tolerance. I need to be here for her. I owe it to her. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if her rebel soul hadn’t teach me so much. I need the strength. So, just like our ashtanga yoga practice starts: Ekam: inhale, dve: exhale…I am taking this one day a time. One breath at the time……Trusting this crazy little thing called Love and hoping it will all make sense someday……
Days starting rolling by after my return from India…..Work (lots), friends visiting, trips to the beach. I started questioning myself about a lot of stuff. Simple and complex things. Days of practice going by. Once you have been in India your life will never ever be the same. The point of no return. It just shakes your entire existence. And so to ground myself I tried to keep up a routine and immerse myself in work. Try not to think too much about the future and focus on the present; even if the present has shitty days. Even if the future is uncertain. Is like part of my mind and soul stayed in India. And then the confrontation of my reality hit me and my yoga practice really is what remained constant through days of turmoil and uncertainty.
The soccer World Cup brought up a little madness in my country because our national team made it close to the finals; surprising not only us here but the entire world and during of all this I went out one night and had some drinks, 4 or 5…and had a car accident and was charged with a DUI and spent a night in jail. Yes, me a so called dedicated yogi with a healthy life style. Yes, me; who goes to bed at 7.30 pm on a regular basis. My body can’t handle booze like before. I used to drink a lot but that faded as my lifestyle was getting more and more involved with yoga. Before, during and after my trip to India I barely had a drink. Liquor now seems to poison my body. And this in no way is a justification for what happened. What I did was wrong. I know I have samskaras that have put me in self destructive patterns through out my life. In my 20’s I used to party and drink a lot. I have seen that side of me so many times. Party doll mode. This accident was a slap in my face and a bloody wake up call. I felt like a piece of shit; my mum saw when I was handcuffed and the police drove me away. Luckily nobody got hurt and I won’t cease to thank the Universe for that. The process after the accident has cost me a lot of money, grief, shame, patience and acceptance. All my plans for next year went down the drain. This all has a bigger meaning but trying to understand it has caused me a lot of pain; but at the same time made realized a lot of things: I need to be less judgmental towards others, be more tolerant and live a simpler life. I also need to forgive myself and I don’t think I’m ready to do that yet; because this was something so unexpected and those who know me know that I’m a obsessive planner and this event threw me off balance big time.
Also in the midst of all of this, life kept going so obviously my practice kept going; but then something really weird happened. Because it all collapsed around me, when I practiced I stopped worrying about my chronic knee pain. I gave up and then little by little the pain was a bit less and less. And these days I no longer have to do some variations and the pain still there but a hundred times less than before.
There’s a big blur between June of this year and now. It took me all this time to bring myself to write this entry. Not a lot of people knew this had happened. I feel embarrassed and really bad. I fucked up big time and need to move on from this in the best way possible. I’m trying. The unconditional love of my family and friends makes me feel blessed. My daily practice keeps me afloat. Builds up strength to keep expecting the unexpected………
This year will mark my fourth year of single life. Yes, and as they say time flies when you are having fun. Certainly the first year was one of the hardest and shittiest ones I have endured my whole life but I had to go through hell to experience bliss……The other day I was daydreaming (I spend a lot of my time daydreaming; I know I shouldn’t but can’t help it) and then I realized: Wait! I was single and happy before meeting my ex. I was already living by myself, had finished college, traveled a lot and had a steady job. So, hooking up with him kind of ruined what I had…but also it was an inevitable lesson to learn and it taught me things that I now don’t see as waste: I can share my space with someone, I know that I can love unconditionally and give the best version of me to someone, I learned how to keep up with a household (even though I never learned how to cook; until recently) and I also know that showing my darkest side to someone is OK; that person has the choice to walk away from it. And that has been liberating.
Just like the song says: You are now somebody that I used to know; at this point in my life that person has become a total stranger. Life is ironic like that; someone who I slept with in the same bed for approximately 2555 nights is now a complete stranger to me. Thanks the Universe for that and also Yoga. I have mentioned in previous posts how Yoga (without realizing back then) saved me. Attachment to people and some feelings is part of the bad identification our ego plays on us. The power of love is vast and sometimes we just get confused and end up hurting others and ourselves. Growing up, my avant-garde mum taught my sister and me that we didn’t have to get married and have kids to be happy. On the contrary she always encouraged both of us to study and follow our dreams and never ever to depend on a guy for anything. So, fitting a role in my relationship as a girl at first was very weird. Not that I didn’t had any other serious relationships before; but this was different as I actually lived with this person for several years. You can read more about in a post I did in February called The twins towers collapse.
When I was 11 years old I considered and actually contemplated life as a nun. Yes, me! Growing up in a Catholic home I had always enjoyed visiting church and praying to the Virgin Mary. For me it has always been something natural and not forced, I truly enjoy it. My faith has revealed powerful things through out my life and looking back now at Jesus teachings I can truly say he was an awesome yogi. Life of service to others really moved me and so in my own little world I decided, well I will finish school and then I will become a nun. Of course that never happened. The tumultuous and crazy 80’s hit me in my teen years and the idea went down the drain. But, feeling that way at such an early age was an omen for my future life. There are so many different types of love. I constantly question myself on how many of my friends and acquaintances have what seems to be a perfect life; getting married, having kids, yet most of them are unhappy and depressed. I can’t say all relationships are doomed to fail, but nowadays lots of couples live a fictional love ruled by money, lust, power, appearances, etc. I rather be true to myself and be alone than live a lie.
Some of us have lots of love that we can spread around in different forms without having to have a partner. I think the practice of Yoga gives us a sense of Universal love. Of course is super cool to share time with someone. But years of mediocre relationships have now made realize what I want and what I really deserve and I rather fly solo than waste my energy in useless encounters. I feel that for us women is so much easier to be alone. Guys constantly thrive for company. But us; we are stronger. Now more than ever I see more and more women living what I call the age of Loneliness; which isn’t a bad thing. We grow so much in that age; we become so productive and creative. We bloom and get prepared in case a guy that has the balls to commit to our frequency steps in. I still have a bit of hope in guys. Little, tiny but it is there. I think that eventually in the future there will be an energy swift and both women and men will share a similar sense of commitment. Until then; I will keep living in my age of Loneliness……….
I wake up and my eyes are full of tears. I can’t remember what the dream was about. Lately this has been happening a lot. More than usual. And so I start looking for a rational explanation: maybe coming back to work after India is creating too much anxiety, perhaps accepting that my body won’t perform the same way it did in India, am I flirting with the future too much and not living in the present moment? But you see the mind is so tricky. Whatever is bothering me doesn’t have to do with what I mentioned above. And I think I pretty much now know where it is coming from…..
Now back and then the day my dad died flashes on my mind. It pierces me. So I breathe and try to just embrace the thought. For years after his dead I fought the thought. It was just too painful to recreate the chain of events of that day. And during the grieving process after his dead it all crumbled down with my 7 year relationship with my ex boyfriend. And then that triggered so many feelings of abandonment and other issues. It was a very crazy period that I talk about in a past post called The twin towers collapse. Anyways, if my dad would’ve been alive during my split I know he would’ve done anything possible to just take my pain away. It will take me an entire book to describe my Dad. He was indeed a character and a very special person and he was the type of person everyone adored to be around (no wonder I am such a social butterfly, ha!). When I was born my dad was 51 years old, hence I was brought up by this cool dude that was my dad-grandpa. He completely spoiled me and my sister; who was born when he was 55 years old. Since I can remember, being a little girl I used to tell myself: “Pipa (I called him like that, which is Papi (daddy) but backwards) is already old so I must make the best out of him because I know he isn’t as young as my friends’ daddies….” He died when I was 34 years old. And I now know and understand that having a Dad like him has been one of the most wonderful gifts during this lifetime. But I also know that the encounter of our souls has been going on through other lifetimes. I have never ever felt so unconditionally loved by someone like I did by him. He cooked for us, drove and picked us from school everyday through out elementary school and high school, took me shopping, anything I need he would do. Because my mum was 27 years his senior, she still went to work everyday, so basically the roles at home were reversed. I remember the day he heard Sheryl Crow’s song All I want to do is have some fun….he loved it and used to sing it with my sister and I and blast the radio whenever it came on; he was 71 years then. Also I feel that his father figure set up a lot of standards on my relationships with men and he kind of ruined it for any man that has or will have a relationship with me. I am working on that and is an ongoing mission. He did have his flaws and I tend to (obviously) be attracted to guys that resemble those. There are days that I miss him terribly; too much actually and that is not good. Thanks to the beautiful practice of Ashtanga yoga; that makes us face our fears in a very raw way, I was able to visit his tombstone 7 years after he died. I hadn’t been there since the day of his funeral. I realized that day that the true acceptance of his death was the only way of keeping him alive in my heart. I learned so much from him; but the one thing I will always remember was his joy of been alive. He loved life, he lived it to the fullest with a kind heart. When he was put in the hospital days before he died, he told me: “This is isn’t me. I can’t be here”. Recently when I was in India I had this very vivid dream with him: he had cooked a delicious lunch for my mum, sister and I and had set up the table in such a nice way. The three of us were sitting waiting for him to serve the food. He came over and started serving the food and as he did he kissed each of us in the forehead with a big smile and told us: “thank you for giving me new life”. I know he was with me in India, and that he would’ve think that it was so cool that I had made it there and would’ve been so proud of me. He was a great cook, I used to sit down and watch him cook for hours. I guess all the inspiration is helping me now that I surprisingly started cooking when I began practicing Ashtanga. I feel my heart is opening in ways that I never experience before. The healing process is long and slow. Last year my sister got pregnant unexpectedly after 11 years of not having kids. At first it was a complete stir but then the baby was born and my entire family was in awe. The striking resemblance of the baby with my dad is amazing. It is like he decided to come back in the form of this baby. And he did, because of this baby my family is more united now than ever before. This baby has brought so much love to our lives and I feel like my dad is more alive now than ever when I look at baby Sergio’s eyes…….
I love you Pipa and I always will do…thru many lives our love will live forever…..
In memoriam- John Venegas born 1922-died 2007
It has been a little over one month since my return from India and England. When I got home to Costa Rica it felt like I had been away for so long; yet it was only 6 weeks. As the plane started descending towards the airport and I saw the familiar lights of my town my heart sank. Wow, I had made it to the other side of the world and came back to this tiny piece of land called home.
While practicing in Mysore your body becomes a magical vessel. Is like you acquire powers and your body bends in ways that you could never bend at home. As I mentioned before in another post, I was scared as shit to go to India. My body (and certainly my mind) has gone through a beautiful but painful transformation since I started Ashtanga. More than 15 years running paid a toll when I started doing my lotuses and other asanas and I had to start going for knee therapy and had to do variations during my practice. So when the time to leave to India was getting closer all I could think of was, oh my Sharath is just going to kick me out of the Shala….but then I started practicing at the main Shala and voilá all the pain was gone! You surrender to a higher energy when you are inside that Shala. Soon I started having crazy dreams just like the ones I had last year during my practice with Sharath in Encinitas, California. Is like all the heavy energetically stuff you have been carrying around starts to get out when the prana starts burning it. There are deep wounds that heal but sometimes particles of lost loves, powerful loves still mingle in your system. Is so hard to get them out and they attack you randomly. When one has love so intensely I believe that somehow; even though you no longer love the person, particles of the energy you shared with that person get trapped in your soul…..so as much as I tried consciously to carry on with my life and even though it has been years since…..the dreams I have become so vivid and they wear me down so much; like one Monday I woke up to one of those dreams. On my way to the Shala I was feeling so gloom and drained. I rolled out the mat and started….and after my Urdhva Dhanuranasas I just couldn’t it hold it anymore and tears started falling… these were definitely not tears joy, but tears of pain, rage and then you carry on, breathing, and so on, asana after asana. Non stop, just like our lives that must carry on despite all the pain and all the sorrow, because once is over something beautiful will come out of that mess. And so when I finished, had my coconut water and walked back home my heart felt better, lifted and changed. That’s what our daily practice does to us. Gives us a sense of acceptance, I am no longer the situation; I become an observer of the situation. The very basic principle of Ashtanga yoga is ahimsa, or non-violence. I believe that the auto sabotage that we inflict on ourselves is just another form of violence. My practice has given me the ability to recognize that and work better on this. Is an ongoing issue but every new day there’s a chance to change.
A month of practice in Mysore does wonders. In India your body and soul are nourished by the food, the incense, the temples, the people, and most importantly by our Guru; who every Sunday gives us a conference with so much valuable and important information. So you question yourself, and the inner transformation starts happening and then you must come back to reality at home and use all those tools that he gave you to carry on with your daily routine. I sometimes catch myself daydreaming at work; walking the streets of Gokulam, sharing breakfasts with all my fellow Ashtangis, missing my Indian friends, craving the sweet taste of the coconut water, or listening to Sharath on Sunday conference and his smile, that smile……
I think I got a bad case of Mysore blues………